I just got back from my second walk of the day. As I was walking just now I started bleeding unexpectedly. I shouldn’t be bleeding because I have been off my period for over a week. I haven’t ever done anything like that before. I had my tubes tied over fourteen years ago when my son was born. Now I am worried about what could have caused this strange bleeding. I probably need to get checked out by a doctor but I don’t even have an ob/gyn anymore. Honestly my first thought was that maybe I had been pregnant and didn’t know it. I wouldn’t normally think that but since my ex has six children I know he is extremely fertile. He’s the only person I have been with in the last two months. Hopefully it will stop and I will just chalk it up to a fluke thing.
I knew that when I decided to get casually involved with my ex that there were rules. He never specified but I just knew based on his actions and expectations when things began. In the beginning I was okay with all the rules but as time has gone by I have become less okay with the rules. I didn’t say anything to him because I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do about it. Last night I was really frustrated because I wanted to see him and I couldn’t as usual. I went out drinking with my best friend. When I got back home last night I sent him a text. I basically poured my heart out in the text essentially breaking the unstated rules. I have yet to hear from him since I sent the text. As much as it saddens me, I don’t expect to hear from him ever again. I guess I knew things weren’t meant to last forever but I never expected it to end like this. I guess it is truly time to move on from the past.
I am a fairly confident person and I have been able to accomplish so many things in my life. I work hard and I am really determined to succeed in my life. My biggest struggle has always revolved around relationships. I always get involved with the wrong men. I am independent and many men find that to be intimidating. I really just want to meet someone that I can share my life with. I don’t need to be taken care of but I do want companionship. I am constantly worried about what is going to happen when my kids are both in college. I am not looking forward to being left alone. I have really enjoyed raising my children but in the last few years I have come to realize that I will be alone once my kids are gone. I am okay by myself but that doesn’t change the fact that I want love and romance in my life. I want to know that there is someone there that I can count on and vice versa. I haven’t ever really thought that not having a husband was a big deal but as I reach the end of my child rearing I realize that I don’t have that support that a husband would give through this next stage of my life. I don’t regret either of my divorces because I don’t think either of those relationships were right for me. I do wish that I had that special person in my life. I will eventually deal with my struggle but right now I’m trying not to wallow in it.
- What About Us by Pink
- One More Light by Linkin Park
- Bailando by Enrique Iglesias
- I’m a Freak By Enrique Iglesias
- Heart Attack by Enrique Iglesias
- Blasphemy by Bring Me the Horizon
- Cake by the Ocean by DNCE
- Galway Girl by Ed Sheeran
- Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch
- Lucy by Skillet
- Always be honest no matter what because I can’t stand being lied to.
- Never make promises you can’t keep, especially when it comes to the future.
- Give me the time and love that I deserve.
- Surprise me occasionally because although I always say I don’t like surprises, I secretly love them.
- Listen to me when I need to talk because it is really hard for me to open up to people and if you don’t listen than I will shut you out.
Top Five Places I Want to Visit
- Niagra Falls
- New York City
My mom has been a huge inspiration for me since I was a small child. She has always been there for me no matter what. As a child she always supported everything that was important to me. As I grew up with my own family she has always been there to help me out when I needed her. She is also one of my best friends. I have been so blessed to have such a great mom that is also my friend. I can’t imagine my life without her and I am so glad that she is in such good health.
- Being told what to do
- People who lie to me
- People who can’t be themselves
When I was 14 I was really struggling because my parents were separated and I was feeling completely lost! I was honestly borderline suicidal and I felt like my life had no purpose! My recent ex-boyfriend and friend told me that at the very least I was put on this earth to teach him how to love! I have been through so many things in the course of my life but whenever I felt down I thought about his words! I never totally believed them but I do know they gave me hope when I thought all hope was lost!