Funerals

So I don’t think anyone enjoys funerals. Tomorrow I have to attend the second funeral of a former student. Life is not supposed to work that way.  I’m not supposed to be attending the funeral of my students. I haven’t really been teaching that many years because I came into my career later in life. A lot of teachers are lucky enough to spend years teaching before they ever have to deal with the untimely death of a student. In a little over eight years I have lost one to racing, one to suicide and now one to cancer. I have had so many wonderful students and I am lucky enough to keep up with them through social media. I watch them get married, have children and even graduate college. I have gone on so many adventures through my students. I honestly can’t imagine doing anything else for a living but today I am sad to be a teacher. I am sad to know that one of my special students lost his battle with cancer. Students are supposed to outlive their teachers just like children are supposed to outlive their parents. I am thankful that I will be able to say goodbye tomorrow with many of my former students but I am also saddened that the world has lost such a special soul. RIP

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Bonding with Children

I try and spend as much time as possible with my children. I play video games with them. I take them to sporting events, movies and amusement parks. Of course I enjoy the times where the three of us are hanging out on my bed talking. I love that we can share all about our lives with each other. I know they don’t share everything with me but I am grateful for the time and conversations that I’ve been able to share with my kids. So yesterday my son and daughter helped me finish a puzzle that I had started the night before. I think the best thing about the whole experience is that we were talking and laughing together without any electronics. We were having fun the old fashioned way. It is not always easy to tear my children away from their devices so it was nice to spend a little bit of quality time with them that didn’t require any electronics. I know in five years they will both be away at college and living their own lives. I am just trying to share as much with them as I can over the next five years. My kids are my life and I hope they always know how much I love them.

My Daughter

I think my daughter is gay. She told me a year or two ago that she thought she was bisexual. I know that she has been struggling with her sexuality for a while now but I honestly think she is leaning towards identifying herself as gay. As a mom I have very mixed emotions about this situation. I experimented with my own sexuality when I was in my early twenties but I put it all behind me and got married when I met her father. I am honestly not sure how to help her. I don’t want this life for her because I know how difficult it can be. I lived it for several years myself and I have seen other people go through similar things. She has her first girlfriend as of yesterday. I have met the girl and she is really sweet. I have also met both her parents. I want my daughter to be happy so I will do everything I can to support her even though this whole situation bothers me. My mom handled the situation with me in the worst way possible and it created a rift between us for a long time. I can’t do what my mom did because it would destroy our relationship. She is an amazing girl and I am so proud to be her mother.

Is it Possible?

Is it possible to meet a new man that truly wants to spend his life with me? The kind of man that can be my partner. In the last three years my love life has been on a never ending roller coaster ride. I finally got off that roller coaster a couple of months ago and I have been focusing on me. I ventured into online dating again. I’ll be honest I didn’t really expect to meet anyone special but I thought it would be good for me to get out and meet new people. I started exchanging emails with a few different people and then this one guy caught my interest. We started exchanging these amazing emails. That was three weeks ago. We still haven’t met yet because he is in Italy with a sick father. The things that we have shared make me think he could be the one. It is so difficult for me to trust the situation after everything I have been through over the last three years. I wake up every morning looking for an email or text from this man. He has truly touched my soul with his words. I’m not sure I have ever met a man that was so good with his words. I can’t wait until he returns home so that we can finally meet in real life. It is such an old fashioned way to get to know someone through letters or in our case emails. It is incredible the stories we have shared with each other through these emails. I don’t trust easily but I am willing to give things a chance with this man when he returns. I have to see it through. He may be the one and he may not but the best part of this situation is that I am truly moving on from the past. All aspects of my past. It is definitely time to invest in someone new. I have spent far too much time on my past. Here is the man that I hope will remain in my future!!

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Friends

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This is Maria Eugenia and she is an amazing teacher and someone I hope I will always be able to call friend. I am working with her at San Simon University in Bolivia. Her classes are great and I can’t say enough about her students! This whole experience in Bolivia has been amazing and it has a lot to do with this woman. We get along so well and I honestly feel like I could talk to her about anything. It is so funny because sometimes you meet people and you just click. She is Catholic and I’m protestant but I have found that we can easily talk about our faith. I have had some  amazing things happen to me since I’ve been in Bolivia and I know God is the only one who could have made all these things happen. She told me today that God is blessing me because of what I’m doing in Bolivia. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m doing that much but I think to these students it means the world to them that I’m here. I could have spent my summer so many ways but I’m so glad I chose to spend it working with students in Bolivia. This has truly been an experience of a lifetime. I think I finally found my calling. I know I have to finish raising my children but once they are grown I think I  would like to do some missionary work. I know I should be able to combine teaching and missionary work together. I’m getting so much more out of this experience than even the students are. My pastor said when you reach out and help others that the gifts you receive are very often greater than the gifts you give.

Realizations

So I have officially accepted the new job and resigned from the old job which is an amazing feeling.  I know I will miss my old students and my former co-workers, especially my ex. It’s crazy but my ex and I have worked together for the last four years. I know that the distance and space will be good for both of us but I will miss running into him in the halls. I’m not leaving church but then again we don’t really talk at church. I’m very excited about the new challenges and opportunities I have before me. I have also realized something else through this experience of mine, I need to take a step back from any and all romantic relationships for awhile. I need to abstain from sex and emotional entanglements so I can focus on what really matters. I need to focus on God, my children and my new job. Romance will definitely still be there when I’m ready for another relationship. In five years both my kids will be out of high school and I don’t want to miss one minute of the time I have left with them.