I try and spend as much time as possible with my children. I play video games with them. I take them to sporting events, movies and amusement parks. Of course I enjoy the times where the three of us are hanging out on my bed talking. I love that we can share all about our lives with each other. I know they don’t share everything with me but I am grateful for the time and conversations that I’ve been able to share with my kids. So yesterday my son and daughter helped me finish a puzzle that I had started the night before. I think the best thing about the whole experience is that we were talking and laughing together without any electronics. We were having fun the old fashioned way. It is not always easy to tear my children away from their devices so it was nice to spend a little bit of quality time with them that didn’t require any electronics. I know in five years they will both be away at college and living their own lives. I am just trying to share as much with them as I can over the next five years. My kids are my life and I hope they always know how much I love them.
I think my daughter is gay. She told me a year or two ago that she thought she was bisexual. I know that she has been struggling with her sexuality for a while now but I honestly think she is leaning towards identifying herself as gay. As a mom I have very mixed emotions about this situation. I experimented with my own sexuality when I was in my early twenties but I put it all behind me and got married when I met her father. I am honestly not sure how to help her. I don’t want this life for her because I know how difficult it can be. I lived it for several years myself and I have seen other people go through similar things. She has her first girlfriend as of yesterday. I have met the girl and she is really sweet. I have also met both her parents. I want my daughter to be happy so I will do everything I can to support her even though this whole situation bothers me. My mom handled the situation with me in the worst way possible and it created a rift between us for a long time. I can’t do what my mom did because it would destroy our relationship. She is an amazing girl and I am so proud to be her mother.
So if I was at home I would be surrounded by people talking about Father’s Day. In Bolivia I’m safe because today doesn’t have the same significance here. Today is the second Father’s Day without my dad. I remember spending Father’s Day last year with my ex fiance’s family. I miss my dad a lot but I have learned to have some peace. I know he doesn’t suffer anymore which definitely makes things easier. I spend a lot of time with my host family here in Cochabamba which is actually pretty cool. I miss being at home in one respect but in others it is actually nice to be on my own. I have a couple of really great friends who have kept in close contact with me which has helped a lot. I feel like my life is on the verge of significant change but I have no idea how I will be effected by that change. My ex was on my mind a lot yesterday so I sent him a message. It was the first contact we’ve had in a couple of weeks. It was innocent and friendly and I did it for the right reasons. I would love to say that I don’t still miss him but I would be lying. I don’t think about him all the time like I used to though. I am feeling stronger and depending on the news I get tomorrow it may get that much easier to let go of my ex and the past. I am boycotting Facebook today so I can avoid Father’s Day. I know it’s silly but that is how I choose to deal with today.
So I usually post words but right now I just want to relive all these great moments with my children. Life is short and I am going to miss them like crazy while I am in Bolivia.
It is hard to connect with teenagers these days so the fact that I have been able to connect with my kids the last two days is amazing! Last night I cooked dinner with my daughter which was a lot of fun. She was worried about not doing things right which I told her was okay. We were both experimenting with a new recipe so neither of us really knew what we were doing. I think she enjoyed it as much as I did.
Tonight the kids went to dinner with their dad for his birthday and when they came home they were both pretending to be characters. My daughter was Batman and my son was Hal. So after talking in their characters for a few minutes they went upstairs. At 8:30 it was time for my son’s shower so instead of calling him by name I called him Hal. I told him it was time to go through his clean cycle. He immediately responded that he needed to go through a host body decontamination. My daughter responded by telling me that I was awesome. Needless to say my daughter thought that was the funniest thing ever. Apparently I’m the cool mom again!!
So yesterday my kids, my mom and I had lunch with some family friends. The gentleman also happens to be my son’s namesake. The couple used to live around a block away from my parents but now they live in Houston. We don’t get to see them very often so it was really nice to catch up over lunch. After lunch we took some pictures. My favorite picture is the one of my son and his namesake.
Every time I look at these pictures of my son I can’t get over how big he has gotten. 13 years old and he is already taller than me and almost as tall as his sister. I’m so worried that he is going to grow 3 or 4 inches this summer while I’m in Bolivia. He changes every day and I’m going to miss out on six weeks of his growing and changing this summer. I’m really excited about my trip but I’m not looking forward to being away from my kids over half the summer.
So today should have been my dad’s 79th birthday. I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about my dad but it has crossed my mind a few times today. In addition to missing my dad I am also dealing with being alone on a day that is designed for couples. I have to say that my weekend has been pretty good though. I spent Friday having a nice dinner with my kids and then doing some shopping. Yesterday my kids and I cleaned part of the house and then watched the “Minions” last night. Then after the movie my kids made fun of me while I attempted to play a game called Silent Hill. It was so much fun having my kids piled on my bed trying to help me play a video game. I have to say that I am pretty terrible at video games but I do enjoy trying. It is so funny how I could be totally dreading the weekend and then end up really enjoying my kids. They have both been so interested in other things lately that it has been awhile since they hung out with me. I really enjoy spending time with them. I am so incredibly lucky to have them. I honestly don’t think I would even mind being single if my kids were home all the time. I go to Spain in less than a month so I need to start focsing on making myself feel as good as possible. I have got to start eating healthy so that I will feel better by the time I leave for Spain. Life is short and I plan to make the most of it with or without a man!!!
I have thought a lot lately about depth of thought. Why are so many people apposed to really thinking? Why does it seem like our future generations are headed for a reality similar to that awful movie several years ago called Idiocracy. If you haven’t seen it, it was an awful movie about these two people that were preserved by cryogenics and ended up in the future where nobody thought about anything anymore. Everything in this ridiculous world was decided by computers. I have to say that I would hope our world never got this extreme but I will say that it is a bit scary when you look at teenagers today.
On another note, I was able to view the PSAT scores of a couple of my students today and I realized that their scores were close to the same score my daughter got on the test. The major difference is that she is a freshman and they are juniors. We also got a letter from an organization that wants my daughter to be part of some sort of youth business program this summer. If she participated she would spend eight days at either Stanford, Columbia or University of Chicago. Sometimes I can’t even fathom the opportunities that my children have.
I have always been accused of overthinking, especially by my ex. He loves to accuse me of overthinking everything. I have always resented that statement but now I’m thinking it is not so bad to overthink. I can at least say that I use my brain.
When my son was 3 we adopted a Lab/Great Dane puppy that was 6 months old. He became my son’s best friend almost instantly. They played together, took naps together and just grew up together. Now after all this time we had to say goodbye. My son didn’t want to go with me to the vet today and I guess I can understand that. He feels things very deeply and doesn’t always want to show his emotions.
This is one of the many pictures I have of the two of them together. Chuck loved my little boy so much. Dogs add so much to our lives and sometimes I think we forget that we don’t add to their lives, we are their lives. He protected my kids and I through multiple houses. He knew home was always where we were together.
My son will always love this dog. I know that his heart is breaking just like mine but he’s a strong little boy so he will be ok. Of course I keep calling him a little boy and he’s almost 13. Life is short we must live everyday as if it’s our last. RIP Chuck
Tomorrow I have to say goodbye to one of the sweetest dogs I have ever owned. He is a ten year old Lab/Great Dane mix. He used to be close to 100 pounds. I noticed Friday night that he looks like he’s lost so much weight. He refused to eat most of last week and he barely got off the couch all weekend. I have known that he wasn’t feeling great for awhile but I have hesitated to do anything permanent. My son is so close to him and I know that he is devastated to think about his friend not being here anymore. My son was three when we adopted Chuck from a shelter. Shortly after we adopted him he came down with Parvo but he survived. He was always meant to be our dog. He has protected my kids and I for the last eight years since my first divorce. He has always been a gentile giant. I am so sad to think about saying goodbye to such an amazing member of our family but I need to think about what is best for him. He deserves to be pain free and not to be so miserable all the time. I know my other two dogs will miss him a lot but they will be ok.