Anger

I have been on a dating site off and on since November when the ex and I were barely talking anymore. I have talked to several people but I’ve only actually gone on three dates from the site. Two of them were in November right after I joined and the other was in March. I have paused the site membership at different times when I was spending a lot of time with my ex. The only thing wasn’t really that important to me. After the misunderstanding with the ex I started to realize that maybe it was time to open myself up to new people again so I unpaused my account. I feel like I have released the flood gates because now I seem to have all these guys interested in taking me out. Then this morning I looked at the site and I noticed that my ex has created a membership and even viewed my profile. Maybe I am being ridiculous but the whole thing really pissed me off. He knew I was on this site because I told him but we haven’t talked in almost a week and now he decides he needs to see my profile. I honestly feel a bit invaded by the whole thing. He could have picked any dating site he wanted but for whatever reason he chose the one I was on. Seeing his picture staring back at me from the app this morning sealed things for me. I know now that things are over between us. I was always hoping that things would turn out differently but I now I realize that’s not going to happen. Whether or not it makes sense, he has hurt me probably more than he will ever know. I knew that he didn’t want to be with me but that doesn’t mean I needed to be confronted with his decision to move on. I probably have a date on Wednesday and next weekend too so I plan to just focus on that and leave the past in the last. All the love I have for him is turning into hate and resentment. I would have given him everything but instead he just threw me away.

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