Men

So I’ll be honest, I have absolutely no idea how to deal with the ins and outs of dating in 2016. I meet people, we start talking, it seems to be going well, and then all of a sudden it’s like there is no connection. I’m starting to think that relationships are just a waste of time. I am 42 years old and I have found that I am more insecure when it comes to men and relationships than I was when I was in high school. I have never been one of those people that couldn’t meet anyone. It always seemed like there was someone else to feel the void as soon as one relationship ended. Now I meet people or at least find people who are somewhat interested but it just seems like something is missing. When I first starting dating my ex I honestly felt like I had met the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Somewhere along the way we lost what we had. Last year in an attempt to hold on to that connection we started a very sordid affair which only made me more miserable than I had been without him. When I came back from Bolivia I was clear headed and I thought I was over him completely. We ended up spending one last weekend together before we finally went our separate ways. I don’t regret that decision because ultimately I think it was the best choice for both of us. I still miss him occasionally but it is usually when I’m alone and not all the time. I want to move on with my life in a new relationship but it seems like I’m just stuck. I have really been focusing on my children and my job so maybe that is why I seem to be striking out so much with men. I want to be able to share my life with someone. I want to have someone to cuddle with and come home to after a long day. I want to be able to fall asleep in the arms of someone I love every night. I don’t really think I am asking for too much but it seems like an impossible feat right now. I know that I am a strong independent woman but sometimes I really need someone to have my back. I need to know that I don’t always have to be the strong one. I feel like I have to be superwoman all the time and it is utterly exhausting. My kids are growing up and they don’t need me as much as they used too. I know that when they are gone that I will be lost. I’m scared to think about facing that alone. The next few years are going to be pretty significant in mine and my children’s lives but I really hope I don’t have to face them alone.

 

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