So I know that Halloween isn’t until tomorrow but my kids and I had a party at our house last night. It was a small event but it was great to spend some time with my kids and their friends. This is the first Halloween that my children have been home because of visitation with their father. My daughter dressed up like the Riddler and my son dressed up like Lex Luther. We all had a great time.
Most of the people that are close to me these days realize that I love Harley Quinn. I am not much of a fan of the Suicide Squad version, instead I prefer the Arkham or original versions better. I decided to dress up as the Arkham Harley for the party.
It was nice to forget about other parts of my life for a night. I know a lot of my friends thought I was crazy to invite teenagers to my house but it was actually very enjoyable. I am one of those parents that actually prefer to know my kids’ friends.
So I have to say that this week has been a total beat down. I am thoroughly exhausted. I would love to say that I can get some rest this weekend but I already know that’s not going to happen either. My kids are having a Halloween party at our house on Saturday. I have no idea what I was thinking when I agreed to let them have a party. I usually love my daughter’s friends but I have been so tired that I just hope I can enjoy having the company. It has been such a long time since we have really had anybody at the house. I’m lucky because my best friend is coming over to help me chaperone all the teenagers. I know that they plan to do karaoke so it should definitely be interesting. I agreed to dress up which I really hope I don’t regret. I know that I will probably have fun but right now I am just dreading having to get the house ready for the party. Of course I have to get through tomorrow before I can even get to the party.
So as I was sitting in church this morning I got to thinking about sin. I know that we are all sinners in the eyes of God. I have sinned so many times that I am ashamed to even admit it. God doesn’t want people having sex outside of marriage but I have been guilty of this sin for a very long time. I have to say that I lost my virginity at the age of 17 and I never really thought about the fact that God didn’t want us to have sex outside of marriage. I have been in a few relationships outside my two marriages and they both included a sexual component. I am ashamed to say that when it comes to sex I am weak. I know that we are all weak in one way or another. I guess all this realization does have a point though, I am worried about my daughter. I know that the bible says it’s wrong to engage in homosexuality. I also know that when I was in my twenties I had several relationships with women. I ultimately met my first husband and I got married and never looked back. I also know that my daughter is struggling with some of the same issues that I had in my twenties. I worry about how people at church will respond to her when they know that she is struggling with her sexuality. I don’t want my daughter to turn away from God. Ultimately homosexuality is no worse a sin than premarital sex but I also know that people don’t see it that way. I want her faith to grow and I’m worried that it won’t if people start treating her differently. I want to be able to support her but in my heart of hearts I just don’t want that life for her. I want her to be happy. I just don’t know how to reconcile my feelings with her situation. I know that I will just have to continue to pray about it. I also know that I need to pray for myself. I need to pray that I can be stronger when it comes to sex and relationships. I need to stop giving pieces of me away to people that won’t still be around in the future. I need to work hard to live the life that God wants me to live as a woman and a mother. My children are my most important job and I need to pray for God’s guidance as they continue to go through all the struggles of being teenagers.
I try and spend as much time as possible with my children. I play video games with them. I take them to sporting events, movies and amusement parks. Of course I enjoy the times where the three of us are hanging out on my bed talking. I love that we can share all about our lives with each other. I know they don’t share everything with me but I am grateful for the time and conversations that I’ve been able to share with my kids. So yesterday my son and daughter helped me finish a puzzle that I had started the night before. I think the best thing about the whole experience is that we were talking and laughing together without any electronics. We were having fun the old fashioned way. It is not always easy to tear my children away from their devices so it was nice to spend a little bit of quality time with them that didn’t require any electronics. I know in five years they will both be away at college and living their own lives. I am just trying to share as much with them as I can over the next five years. My kids are my life and I hope they always know how much I love them.
So it is interesting how busy this weekend ended up being after it started with my son being grounded. Friday was pretty low key but Saturday was insane. My daughter and I both had a hair appointment yesterday afternoon and then it seemed like we had a thousand errands to run. I will say that I got to finish last night working on a puzzle with my son. It is interesting because since he is grounded he has been spending a lot of time with me. He still won’t have the conversation that I want to have but he has been hanging out with me a lot. We didn’t finish the puzzle last night but we did finish it today after church. Here is a picture of the finished product.
This particular puzzle has to do with Fallout 4 which is one of my son’s favorite video games. I grew up working puzzles with my parents and I really enjoyed spending the time with my son. We used to work puzzles together a lot when my second husband and I were married. It has been along time since I have spent time doing something like that. I have to say it is a great bonding experience. We didn’t even have the TV on when we were working on the puzzle. I love spending time with my kids.
So for the second weekend in a row I am having to completely change my plans because of one of my children. My son decided it would be a good idea to sneak out of the second story bathroom window last night. He went to a friend’s house and I got woken up a little over an hour later when her mom escorted him home. I have taken away all of his electronics and he is grounded indefinitely. I’ll be honest though, I feel like there is something he’s not telling me. My son has a tendency to keep things to himself but I feel like this isn’t his secret. I really wish he would just talk to me. Ultimately I am not going to change his punishment but I feel like he needs to be honest about the situation for us to move past it. As a single mom it is difficult having to deal with all the teenage boy stuff on my own. I’ll be honest, my son doesn’t have a very good relationship with his dad and they never talk about things. I have tried to have open and honest conversations with my son about sex and how consequences can impact your whole life. He’s such a smart kid that it bothers me that he would do something so stupid. I think the worst part of the whole thing is that I don’t trust him anymore. It has been the three of us for so long and I didn’t worry a whole lot because the three of us have always been close. I’m starting to feel like that’s not really the case these days. I just don’t understand why he would risk his own safety and the chance of getting in trouble to go to this girl’s house.