Alternate Perceptions

I know they always say that when someone leaves you they never come back the same. I have spent the last year or so trying to determine who my ex is now. I have noticed some changes in things that I thought were part of his moral compass which have been confusing. When we were together he struggled with the concept of pre-martial sex because he knew that it wasn’t what God intended. Now he has not only gotten over that struggle but he doesn’t seem to have a problem with casual sex. I’ll be honest, I have never really been a fan of casual sex. I think it is better if people are in a committed relationship if they are going to have sex. Sex causes all sorts of hormones to be released and it is easy to get emotionally involved when you have sex with someone. I wonder sometimes if the reason my ex and I have had sex so many times in the last year has more to do with comfort level and familiarity. Sex is the one thing that still seems to work between us. Taking all of this into account, we went to a Ranger Game together on Saturday night. It was the first time we have gone out in public since February. I was honestly not sure what to expect. He picked me up and I could tell almost from the beginning that he was in a bad mood. You know the funny thing about the whole situation is that I’m not even sure whether or not it was a date or what. I bought the tickets to the game because I had these half off coupons but once he picked me up he paid for everything else. He seemed to get bent out of shape about every little thing that happened the whole night despite the fact that most of it was just unfortunate circumstances. It has been a long time since I’ve been around anyone that gets so uptight about things. I’ll be honest it was a bit annoying. Baseball isn’t my favorite sport but I just wanted to relax and enjoy the game. He seemed like he was having a really hard time relaxing. As I sit here today I wonder how much of all that was about me. I think maybe my ex was just really uncomfortable being out with me. We have such a complicated situation between us anyway and I guess it just shows you why it’s hard to be friends with your ex. I still love him at least the him that I knew three years ago but I’m not sure I could ever be happy with the man he is today. I still think he’s a good man but I’m just not sure he would ever be the right man for me again.

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