So my experiment of life without social media is going really well so far. I feel less distracted and I feel like I have a better focus on what I need to get done. I am still trying to get a handle on the new job so it is good that my focus is better. It is so nice to feel like I have a little bit of privacy back in my life. I think I think I forgot how nice it is to just disappear from everyone around me. The most important people in my life know how to get a hold of me so there is no reason why I should rely so much on Facebook or other social media. I was so tired of starting every day on social media. I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten out of bed later than I should because I let myself be distracted by social media. Now I look at my email and then I get up and start my day.
On another note I feel like I’m finally getting into a groove with my students. I start Beowulf on Friday and I can’t wait. I’m not sure how my students will fill about it but it will be good to do some real teaching. I guess it sounds silly to be excited to be teaching a certain type of literature but it is my absolute favorite. I hope I can inspire some enthusiasm into my students over the next few weeks. Changing jobs has really helped reinvigorate my love of teaching. Of course I’m sure that teaching in Bolivia this summer helped as well. I love that I look forward to what the days ahead have in store for me. I love that I have my natural enthusiasm for life back. I’m finally becoming that naturally positive person that I used to be again. Life takes so many twists and turns and sometimes we lose a part of ourselves in the process. I think for the first time in a very long time that I’m finally regaining that part of me that has been lost. I honestly never thought I would get that part of myself back. Here is to living life to the fullest everyday.
So I guess you could say I am on a mission to simplify my life. I deactivated my Facebook account and deleted all my social media apps off my phone. I have now cut my ex completely out of my life and I have left myself available to my real friends not 300+ acquaintances. Until three years ago I didn’t even participate in social media. It seems like the end of my marriage and moving in by myself changed my entire outlook about social media. I would have never gotten involved with my ex if it hadn’t been for social media. Now is the time to take a break and reevaluate what is important in my life. I think I have been afraid to really let myself be happy for along time. I have been living in the past instead of moving on. I have let my fear of getting hurt cause me to put myself in situations where I always ended up getting hurt. I refuse to accept the past anymore. I want to leave myself open to embrace the future. Life is short and I have spent far too much time loving a man that doesn’t even exist anymore except in my memories. I will always hold on to my fond memories but I refuse to let myself get caught up in them. I have come to realize that I am an independent woman that doesn’t need a man or anyone else to be ok. My kids are already halfway grown and it is time to live my life for me. I will stumble and fall but I know that I will always get back up again because I have God and my faith. I know that I am never alone as long as he is with me. I can accomplish anything with God by my side.
So today I had a discussion with my seniors about thinking outside the box. I think to often in public school students are put into a box and expected to produce specific answers without learning how to think for themselves. I think it is very important for students to learn to think for themselves. I want my students to have opinions that they can back up. I want them to get excited about literature because they know that their opinion will matter. I am really excited about the opportunity to hear their opinions. I learn from my children and my students. Learning is a continual process that we should never stop. We learn from all of our experiences as well as the people we come into contact with on a daily basis. I love the quotes that talk about every person that comes into your life has a purpose whether it be to teach you a lesson or to inspire you to be better. This year I want to inspire my students because I had the opportunity to be inspired all summer while I was in Bolivia. It is time to pay it forward. I really think that this will be one of my best year’s of teaching so far. I am so glad that I made the decision to go to a new district and give myself the opportunity to thrive in a new environment.
I have come to realize in the last few months that the reason neither of my marriages worked out is because I was married to men that tried to stifle me. I’m honestly miserable when my creativity and enthusiasm are stifled. Life is short and I need to be in a relationship with someone that can truly understand me. I am happy right now by myself and honestly it will take an amazing man for to consider changing that situation. I have inner peace in a way that I don’t remember ever having before. God is definitely good!!
So in true first day of school fashion it was utter chaos. My first five classes are Senior English and I had to take them all down to the gym to get their ID pictures taken. First period we barely got back to class before it was time for second period. As the day progressed we began to have more and more time. My conference period is the last period of the day and I’ll be honest by the time I got there I was utterly exhausted. I know that once i get used to my schedule it won’t be so bad but I’m not sure how much I’m going to like having five sections of Senior English back to back. My ESL classes are very different than I am used to at my previous school. I will say that I survived my first day and I am actually looking forward to tomorrow.
On another note my two kids seem to have had an amazing first day of school. I don’t remember the last time my daughter was so happy about school. My son had a great day too. They both made new friends and expanded their horizons. I feel like this could really be a great year for all three of us.
Tomorrow I start my ninth year as a high school English teacher. The major change is that I am now working for a new district for the first time since I started my teaching career. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I have my classroom ready and I know I have all my copies done for the next few days but it will be so weird to be at a new school with new kids. This new job happen in such a way that I feel like this is where God wants me to be. One of my friends from church that I used to work with told me that when he left our old district he made the mistake of trying to hold on to the old district. I have really tried to focus on my new home. It would be so easy to let myself miss my old colleagues and my former students but that will only make it harder to embrace my new job. I plan to focus on the new district and my new colleagues and students. My kids and I are even going to a football game at my new school this Friday night. Change is always hard but I know that if I remain faithful to God that he will provide for my children and me. I feel confident about the choices that I have made and I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year has in store for me. I think this will be a great year.
So tomorrow I start regular teacher in-service at my new district. After three days of new teacher in-service I am excited to meet the rest of the English department and as many other teachers as I can. I am really excited about all the new opportunities that could present themselves to me this year. It is still a bit weird not to be at my old district after eight years but I know that it was time for me to move on. 2016 has been such a good year so far that I can’t wait to see what the last few months have in store for me.
So I made the decision to leave my old school district after eight years on a split second opportunity. I left all the students, parents and colleagues that I had come to depend on. I have to say that after two days of new teacher orientation at my new district I know that I made the right decision. I don’t remember a time when in-service has been less stressful for me. Tonight i met one of my former colleagues who also happens to be a good friend at happy hour after work. It was so nice to catch up with her but it was also nice to get out with some other people. She introduced me to two of her other friends and they were both really great. Next week my friend and one of her other friends are all going to a Ranger Game together. I am so glad I am getting out and enjoying life. It is so important for me to live my life and forget about my ex for good. It is so funny because my ex has a classroom close to my friend now. I am so lucky I’m not still working with my ex because we would have been only a few classrooms away from each other this year if I would have gone back. We both need a nice long break from each other. I am really hoping that over the next few months we get that break.
So today I realized that I am starting to regain some of the clarity that was so wonderful in Bolivia. I came home and I let my ex put me right back in the same position that I was in when I left. Now after what happen a couple of weeks ago I am ready to move forward. I need to let go of the past because it is way beyond time. I have focused so much energy on my ex when he doesn’t even deserve it. I don’t think he will ever truly understand the depth of my feelings. He will never get it. I have literally spent two years hoping he would regret breaking up with me. I hoped that he would want to get back together at some point. I never gave myself the chance to realize that maybe the reason God took him out of my life is because he really wasn’t the right person for me. My ex brought me back to God and church which was the best thing he could have done at the time for me and my kids but I was never truly comfortable being myself around him. I have spent thirteen and a half years being married to men that required me to walk on egg shells or talk them off ledges when they were upset. If i would have stayed with my ex than I would have been spending even more time doing the same thing. Every man I have been married to has tried to contain me to an extent. I need to be free to be who I really am and I know I can’t really do that with my ex. I still haven’t unfriended him on Facebook but I’m no longer following his posts. I need a break and this is a perfect time to get it. We barely talk at church so I won’t really have a lot of interaction with him now that we won’t be working together any more. He deserves to be happy and so do I but I don’t believe that we are intended to be happy together. Tomorrow is the first day of my new job and I couldn’t be happier because this is my chance for a fresh start. I plan to embrace this new job and make lots of new friends. Here is to new beginnings.
Ok so I have been contemplating the idea of unfriending my ex on Facebook. I’m not angry with him but I do wonder if it would be better for both of us to have some separation from each other. For the first time since we broke up two years ago we won’t be working together anymore. I think not working together will be a plus for both of us but I still wonder if it would be easier on both of us not to know what is going on in each other’s lives. We still go to church together but we don’t really interact that much at church. I need to move on and every article I have ever read about getting over an ex says you should not be friends with them on social media. Two years is long enough to hold on to an ex-boyfriend that doesn’t feel the same way about you. I need to give myself an opportunity to meet someone new. I need to keep living my life the way I have the last few months and let go of the ex completely!!
So I finally talked to my ex last night about last weekend. He feels like we should move forward as just friends. There is a part of this that breaks my heart but at the same time I know it it probably for the best. I have to move on in order to be happy again and I won’t be able to do that if I keep spending time with my ex. The sad truth is that we won’t actually be friends because we don’t know how to do that. We will probably go back to ignoring each other and pretending like we didn’t ever care about each other. I know that will break my heart but I also know that I need to take care of myself. I guess the part that kills me the most is that I really do think he was the right man for me but we just didn’t connect at the right time. I hope that we both find happiness in the future. I have made a lot of choices that will impact my future lately and I hope that the positive nature of my experiences in 2016 will continue. I am lucky in so many ways and even though my ex and I will never be together again I will be happy on my own. It has taken me a long time to be ok with myself and I know that God has a plan for me so I will hold out for his choice.