Blessings

I have to say that 2016 has been a year of many changes but also many blessings. During spring break I was able to spend a week in Spain exploring all through the southern region. Then I was accepted to work in Bolivia this summer through Projects Abroad. Since I’ve been in Bolivia I’ve received the blessing that comes from giving your time and energy to others. I also managed to get a new job back in the US while in Bolivia. I can hardly believe I’ve been blessed in so many wonderful ways in just six months. 

I think about all the difficult things I’ve had to deal with in the last three years. My second marriage collapsed and ended in divorce. I met the love of my life and then I lost him after only eight  months. I lost my father from a long illness. I got engaged and then ended the engagement. I spent time exploring the idea of getting back together with the love of my life only to find that his feelings weren’t sincere. I’ve had a lot of pain and heartache in my life. I have prayed and I have struggled to pray. I can honestly say that I put my life in God’s hands when I came to Bolivia. I can’t believe the peace I feel knowing that God is in control. My romantic life is the only place that hasn’t received a blessing this year. Of course that won’t cause me to lose faith. I know in my heart that God will put the right man in my life at the right time. I also know that I am strong enough to be on my own!

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Friends

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This is Maria Eugenia and she is an amazing teacher and someone I hope I will always be able to call friend. I am working with her at San Simon University in Bolivia. Her classes are great and I can’t say enough about her students! This whole experience in Bolivia has been amazing and it has a lot to do with this woman. We get along so well and I honestly feel like I could talk to her about anything. It is so funny because sometimes you meet people and you just click. She is Catholic and I’m protestant but I have found that we can easily talk about our faith. I have had some  amazing things happen to me since I’ve been in Bolivia and I know God is the only one who could have made all these things happen. She told me today that God is blessing me because of what I’m doing in Bolivia. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m doing that much but I think to these students it means the world to them that I’m here. I could have spent my summer so many ways but I’m so glad I chose to spend it working with students in Bolivia. This has truly been an experience of a lifetime. I think I finally found my calling. I know I have to finish raising my children but once they are grown I think I  would like to do some missionary work. I know I should be able to combine teaching and missionary work together. I’m getting so much more out of this experience than even the students are. My pastor said when you reach out and help others that the gifts you receive are very often greater than the gifts you give.

Secrets

Why is it that in life we always want to keep secrets? Why do we always feel more secure when we hold things back? I have so many emotions going through my mind right now! I don’t know how to put them in words!  I feel like if I write anything down then I will just make things worse!  My heart has been through so many things in the last three years!  You know I realized today that 2016 has been the best year I’ve had in a long time despite the fact there has been some negativity! I find that my mind is excited and exhilarated to figure out what is going to come next for me! I’m not sure what the next three weeks in Bolivia will bring me!  I’m not even sure what will happen when I get home but I do know one thing, I’m keeping my emotions to myself!  I can’t afford to let anyone in right now!  I need to figure out what I’m feeling!  I need to figure out what I really want!  I have three weeks before I go back to reality!!

Realizations

So I have officially accepted the new job and resigned from the old job which is an amazing feeling.  I know I will miss my old students and my former co-workers, especially my ex. It’s crazy but my ex and I have worked together for the last four years. I know that the distance and space will be good for both of us but I will miss running into him in the halls. I’m not leaving church but then again we don’t really talk at church. I’m very excited about the new challenges and opportunities I have before me. I have also realized something else through this experience of mine, I need to take a step back from any and all romantic relationships for awhile. I need to abstain from sex and emotional entanglements so I can focus on what really matters. I need to focus on God, my children and my new job. Romance will definitely still be there when I’m ready for another relationship. In five years both my kids will be out of high school and I don’t want to miss one minute of the time I have left with them.

New Beginnings

So today I was offered a new job.  It is not entirely official yet but I’m so excited about the opportunity. Last year was not a good year in any way shape or form! This job will give me the opportunity to start over with a clean slate. I will no longer be working with my ex. I won’t have to deal with the red-headed tyrant that has been my boss for the last year. I’m actually completely in shock that this whole thing has happened. Less than a week ago I wasn’t even thinking about this job and now today the associate principal offered me the job. Its crazy because this year so far has included all sorts of new experiences. I went to Spain on a trip with educators that I didn’t know for a week. Now I am in Bolivia working in a country where I didn’t know anyone or the language. I never dreamed that this year would bring yet another new experience into my life. I can’t wait to see what else the future has in store for me.

Father’s Day

So if I was at home I would be surrounded by people talking about Father’s Day. In Bolivia I’m safe because today doesn’t have the same significance here. Today is the second Father’s Day without my dad. I remember spending Father’s Day last year with my ex fiance’s family. I miss my dad a lot but I have learned to have some peace. I know he doesn’t suffer anymore which definitely makes things easier. I spend a lot of time with my host family here in Cochabamba which is actually pretty cool. I miss being at home in one respect but in others it is actually nice to be on my own. I have a couple of really great friends who have kept in close contact with me which has helped a lot. I feel like my life is on the verge of significant change but I have no idea how I will be effected by that change. My ex was on my mind a lot yesterday so I sent him a message. It was the first contact we’ve had in a couple of weeks. It was innocent and friendly and I did it for the right reasons. I would love to say that I don’t still miss him but I would be lying. I don’t think about him all the time like I used to though. I am feeling stronger and depending on the news I get tomorrow it may get that much easier to let go of my ex and the past. I am boycotting Facebook today so I can avoid Father’s Day.  I know it’s silly but that is how I choose to deal with today.