The Choices We Make

I finally figured out why I have let my ex get away with the situation we have been in since September.  I think it was just easier for me to be with my ex than to put myself out their and meet someone new.  My ex knows me and it was easy to call him and convince him to come and stay with me.  I have never understood why he went along with it.  I have never understood why he was ok with the situation because it always seemed so unlike the man I used to know. He has a way with me that no one else does.  He knows how to make me want him even when I think I don’t.  It is definitely time to let him go.  I need to let him live his life and I need to live mine.

Now I have a chance with a new guy who is far from perfect but I am really struggling to let him in.  I’m finding it hard to trust. He treats me so well and he really seems interested in me.  He doesn’t give up easily and for some reason he seems to like me. We keep talking despite the fact that I told him days ago that I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. I am trying so hard to move on but I feel paralyzed in a sense. I want so badly to trust and experience love again but at the same time I am scared today. He doesn’t share my faith and I’m not sure I can get past that.  I don’t want to live a life that is divided between my time with him and my time with God.  I want a man that will pray with me and go to church with me. I don’t think that is asking too much.

Another issue that I’m facing is my best friend.  He has been through so much in the last year. I am trying to do everything I can to support him.  I want him to crawl out of the hole he has dropped himself into and have much brighter days in the future.  He is such a good man at heart and despite everything I will probably always love him.  He has made some really bad choices lately but I hope his life will finally turn around.  He deserves to be happy.

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