I started reading the Left Behind book series not to long before Christmas and I just started the third book last night. It is a series that deals with what will happen in the world after the Rapture of God. It has been so enlightening to read. Now I desperately want to study Revelation because i realize how little I know about Christ’s return or the Rapture. I have also come to realize how important it is for me to get right with God. I don’t pray like I should and I’m not living my life exactly as I should be. I need to start listening more to my heart and start living life God’s way and not my way. I plan to start reading the bible again every day starting January 1st. I guess you could say that reading the bible and praying more are going to be my New Year’s resolutions. I’m also going to try really hard to get back on my diet and exercise routine. I need to get myself mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy in 2016. I want to have a better year than I did in 2015.
I am in love with a man that I can’t be with. I have tried to get over him in so many ways but I’ve honestly been unsuccessful. We are friends and we spend time together occasionally but we aren’t together. I’m usually able to walk away from people and never look back. I can’t do that with him. I decided to go out with another guy despite the fact that I don’t want anyone else but it was a disaster. Honestly I’m just not ready to be with anyone else. I got tears in my eyes on the way home from my date. I don’t know that my ex and I will ever figure things out but I have decided that I just can’t date anyone else until I feel some closure in that area of my life. I hope to meet someone else and fall in love again but right now the only person I really love is my ex. I need to give myself some time to figure things out. I have been single since August when I broke off my engagement but I know now that I still need more time. I refuse to put myself in a position where i hurt myself or someone else because i just wasn’t ready for a relationship.
My ex fiancee and former best friend is still having trouble dealing with me cutting him off. The ex keeps sending me screen shots of posts that he has on Facebook. I really don’t need to know what he’s thinking or feeling. I have purposefully not asked any of his family about him. I love his family so much but I know that I can’t ask them about him. I want the best for him but I can’t be part of his life. My ex is still afraid that he is going to do something. I wish he would just let go of his anger towards my ex. He can’t just keep blaming him for everything. The ex has nothing to do with him not being in my life. He made his own mistakes that caused me to cut him out of my life. If he ever did anything to hurt my ex I would never forgive him and I think he knows that. I just hope he realizes that getting back at my ex isn’t going to solve anything.