Making Decisions

So I made it through the first year without my dad.  Of course in the process I had a miserable Christmas and I found out my mom has a potential boyfriend.  My ex came and stayed with me last night.  I just couldn’t be alone last night.  He came over and held me really tight.  We had agreed that last night wasn’t about sex and I honestly thought we were going to be able to do it until he started kissing me.  We didn’t have sex until this morning and I guess I shouldn’t worry about it.  I asked him tonight how he would feel if I went out with someone else. He told me I should just go out with someone else if I wanted to.  The problem is that I don’t really want to go out with anyone else.  I only want him.  I know we aren’t in the place to be together but it doesn’t stop me from wanting him.  I know when we’re together it’s not just physical or chemistry.  The way he makes me feel is completely uncanny because I’ve never felt that way with anyone else. I honestly don’t know what to do.  I don’t know whether I should just go out with the other guy to distract myself or if I should just wait on my ex. I love being in his arms so much! I just wish things were different between us.

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