I literally only have two more days until we get out of school for two weeks. I’m so tired of school right now. The students are always so crazy this time of year. We have had so many fights the last couple of weeks and all the students are acting like they escaped from an insane asylum. Unfortunately for me, I have my students writing essays this week which has not gone as well as I would have hoped. Our essays are always weighted as test grades which poses a problem considering my students are so unmotivated to do anything. I’m worried I’m going to have so many failures because of their attitudes.
Tomorrow I have to meet with my AP about my ESL program. I’m not really looking forward to it because I feel like right now he wants to change everything about my program. He is really stressing me out because he isn’t the one that has all the experience and he thinks this new computer program is a fix all for everything. My students need time to learn the language. I need time to figure out the best way to incorporate Imagine Learning into the process. I feel like he thinks that is the only thing I should be using which is so wrong. I think my students were making more progress at the beginning of the year before we even got the program.
On another note, I think I really upset my ex when I told him the I miss my former best friend. It is almost like he wanted me to be happy that my former friend is really struggling without me. I just don’t really understand how he feels or what is going on with us. He promises me that I’m not going to lose him as a friend yet he’s not even here. It’s almost like because we slept together again he has to act all weird and can’t be my friend anymore. I told him that I didn’t want our weekend to affect our friendship but it seems like it has. I feel like I’m constantly on a roller coaster ride with him. Why can’t we either just be friends? Or be together? Or maybe we just need to walk away from each other completely? I’m so tired of everything being so complicated between us.
I actually had another guy ask me out but I’m not sure what to do. I told him that I was busy until after Christmas but I’m not really sure that I’m ready to go out with anyone else. I’ve tried going out with other people before and it never really made a difference. I want to fall in love again and I told my ex that when we first started working out our friendship again. Sometimes I think he thinks that I will just wait on him forever. I wish I knew what the future holds for us but of course I have no idea. I guess I have some soul searching to do when it comes to the ex and how to handle the future.