Letting Go

I have come to realize that it is finally time to let go of the past and move forward.  I will probably love my ex forever but I don’t think we will ever be able to share that love together.  We both have unresolved feelings but we both still harbor a lot of hurt and misunderstanding.  He’s angry because he thinks he can’t trust me and I haven’t trusted him since we started talking again.  It is hard to feel like I’ve walked away from a great love in my life twice but sometimes reality doesn’t match what the heart wants.  He sees me in a way that will forever taint his image of me and that makes me very sad.  He said some pretty cruel things the other night but I know that a lot of that was out of anger and I don’t plan to hold any of it against him.  I have so many things to be proud of in my life so I refuse to let my choices in relationships be my downfall.  i give people too many chances and I tend to be too forgiving.  I love too deeply and I end up hurting myself.  It is time to heal once and for all.  I want him to be happy but I don’t necessarily want to watch his happiness unfold.  I would like to be happy too but I don’t think it’s in the cards for me right now.  I need to just be me. i don’t need a man to be ok and I refuse to be with just anyone not to be alone.  I’m not afraid to be alone regardless of what he thinks.  I’m going to listen to my dear friend that told me that I need to just step back from everything for awhile.  I have holidays and my birthday coming up as well as my graduation for my master’s.  It would be great to share those things with another person but I’m probably better off spending them alone.  I need self-reflection right now and I can’t do that if my focus is on someone else.  It is time to put my focus back on me!!!!

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